14 years living and breathing on earth.
March14 is my day, born in Riyadh, K.S.A.
but I'm from the Philippines.. and currently,
I'm studying here..
I'm an incoming junior high school student that
wants/hopes/wishes to finish her studies..
To become a great lawyer, photographer, pianist, and singer..
I wish I could go to Korea that easily, because I love Koreans that much.. and I don't even know why..
Maybe it's because of Super Junior.. (:
I love Super Junior with all my heart.. and I'll give up, anything and everything for them/just to see them face to face.
I also have adorable and true friends, we are called Marilag. :)
I love them so much, and they're more than enough for me..
No one could ever replace them here in my heart!
In my heart, there's Super Junior, Marilag/Friends, Family and especially God.
Even though I think about my friends, Super Junior and anything or anyone a lot.. I don't forget about God. because, if it wasn't for him..
I wouldn't be able to live, I wouldn't be able to meet Super Junior and my friends, I wouldn't be here typing this thing or what ever you call it..
Sometimes I'm selfish, I only think about my own good. To the extent that I'm hurting people that I love and everything..
Well, I don't know.. That's what my mom tells me.
That I'm selfish, I only think about my own happiness. So yea, I realized, my mom was right.
Now I'm thinking, maybe I should give up my dreams to see Super Junior for now..
I should just think about the people and the future for now. OUR future not MY future..
because if I think about going to Korea and watching Super Junior's concert, that would cost high.
And I wouldn't be able to go to school anymore, since Papa left us..
We don't have that much money now. The money that Papa saved for me, is quite running out.
It's only 2010, and there're more years to come in our lives. We need money to survive..
It's May 4, 2010. and it's Seldon's birthday tomorrow.. She's in Manila right now.
Bea, Rolaine and the others are there too. While, on the other hand, ME, is here in Tacloban.
Waiting for the STUPID CALL from the DFA. I really wish the DFA will call. Because it's my last hope to go there. And actually, right now, I changed my mind.. "What if we don't go there?" "Will something be lost/gone?", I don't know. But I miss them so much, I wanna see my friends. :(
I want to hug them tight! I want to laugh with them again. :( Is that wrong?
I really want to go there, but the situation can't make us go there.
We still have to wait for the DFA to call. I wish they would call this month.
Yeah, Rolaine told me she wanted to go to the concert of UKISS is with me. She said she'll be the one to pay everything for the concert. I also wanted to watch that concert. But how can I go to Manila? Money is our number 1 problem. Well, you see. I love freebies. I asked her again and again if she was sure. She said YES. Of course, it was so embarassing. Look at the price of the tickets and the light sticks and everything! It's costs more than 1k! Ok, let's get straight to the point.
I didn't want to go to Manila for the concert. Well, partly yes. I wanted to go to Manila so that I could be with my precious friends one more time. I won't be able to be with them for i don't know how long. I really want to see them. Even though the concert's freebie or not. I'll still go to Manila just to see them. IF I CAN.
Recently, before Rolaine went here to the Philippines. (she was in Riyadh) I was waiting for her to go online. Because I don't know. It's our routine. :). Well, anyways, SOMEONE told me.. "don't bug her. she'll think you're too excited to talk to her because she'll buy you tickets for the concert". Know why I included this in this post? because I wanted that SOMEONE to know that I'm always excited to talk to Rolaine even if she doesn't buy me tickets or anything. I'm contented with her being by my side even if I need her or not. That SOMEONE has to know that even if she's a part of my life or important to me now, she won't be able to replace MY PRECIOUS FRIENDS in my heart.
(PS. I don't hate you SOMEONE. I just want to explain to you everything that's in my head and heart at the moment you told me those lines.)
Honestly, I'm crying right now. I started crying while I was typing the part about how selfish I am. or whatever.. I don't know. I really want to follow my heart. But isn't that too selfish?..
See? I'm being selfish. >.< I'll be a bad person if I follow my heart. I love my family so much.
Especially my mom. I don't want to disappoint her. But I can't stop disappointing her.
Sometimes, I think of, SUICIDE. If I die, my mom's problems will be minimized. I would be able to help her that way.. I don't know what decision to make.. I'm confused. I wish this piece of broken glass in my heart will be removed that easily.
I WISH I COULD TURN BACK TIME AND CHANGE EVERYTHING THAT HAS HAPPENED BEFORE MY DAD DIED. >.<
- Lee Cruz.
